you have to love yourself first

dating isn't easy. it wasn't easy before i became a mom, and it certainly has not become any easier.

i am sure i'd have an endless supply of blog post, if i were going to write about the past year's trials and tribulations of a single mom in the dating world. the good and bad and ugly.
but i don't want this blog to be about that. i don't want it to turn into a what went wrong with him, or why that one didn't work out, or why it just didn't feel right with so-and-so.
no, that would make this a blog about them. and it's not. it's my journey, about me.

i will share, though, that i have been detecting a theme after one of these brief-lived relationships ends. it's this phrase, this idea, that has been thrown out to me, almost as a parting shot.
"you're a great girl, but..."
"you are perfect, if only i..."
"you're an amazing woman, i just..."
"somebody is going to be really lucky to have you."
i wish i could believe those words. or, at least the first parts of the sentences. truth is, i don't feel so great or amazing. i don't feel like a catch. i don't feel like someone would be lucky to have me.
why not? and, is this the reason nothing has worked out for me?

the saying "you have to love yourself, before anyone else will" floats around in my head on an almost daily basis. i know it's true. and i have my moments, but for the most part, i don't. i don't think i love myself the way i should. i see my flaws, ten fold. i'm so hard on myself, and i find it almost impossible to forgive myself for my past mistakes. i'm almost 32 years old. if i don't love myself by now, will i ever? and how do i learn to do so?

i should admit, there are some things i love about myself. little things. i love the way i can make my daughter laugh. i love being the go-to person at my job, and having the answer. i love my uncanny ability to scope out clearance finds at target, and match them up with coupons to pay the least oop (out of pocket) possible.
but myself as a whole? well, there are just too many flaws to love. i see them instead of seeing myself. funny, then, that i can look past the flaws in others so easily. i can love people in spite of them. sometimes, even because of them.

so, how do i look beyond the flaws in myself, and get to a point where i am happy with who i am? i guess that is part of this journey. a big big part.

goal: i'm going to list one thing a day that i love about myself, in the hopes of seeing myself in a new light. today, i've listed 3. wish me luck.