Monday, September 24, 2012

september 24

so i may have missed several days of blogging.
oops.
i really want this to work. writing is so good for me, and i want to view myself in a new light.
but truthfully, it's really fucking hard.
sure, there are some things i can point out about myself as good things. things that i love. but i have to make myself do it. the things that i don't like, well, that's another story. there's a growing list that is always in my mind. i can't escape it. not a day goes by that i don't think of something i don't like.
how do i make that nagging criticism stop?
clearly, i'm not where i want to be yet. i don't like what i see in the mirror still and i don't know why. i don't know how to get over it. i make a little progress, then have a day (or several) where i just feel like it's a futile effort.
i just want to be ok in my own skin.
i'm not perfect. i never claimed to be. but neither is anyone else. i love them despite their faults. when will i learn to love me in spite of mine? when will i stop being so hard on myself, realize i'm not perfect and will never be, and get fucking on with it already?
i deserve to love myself.

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