i can't trust

i can't do it.
i can't feel nothing for him.
i feel so good when i am with him, because he is incredible. he is unlike any man i've ever met. i can't control the way he makes me feel. the compliments, when he tells me that he cares. the chemistry, the passion. the attention. it's an amazing feeling, that a man such as him, would say these things to me... to me.
but it's making me feel things for him.
these feelings that i am starting to have, they lead to other ones. and sometimes they lead to ones i don't like & have a hard time dealing with. ones that inevitably end up with me feeling alone, insecure, not good enough. when i see that he was with other women on facebook, i wonder who they are. i find myself comparing myself, even though i know, I KNOW, how silly and futile and ridiculous and anti feminist that is. i don't stalk, i don't want to look. but just a name or a picture can  make me feel this big. i find myself feeling deep down, that they must be prettier, nicer, better than me. they must have less baggage, and probably have their heads straight, too. yes, i can discern this all based on a single profile photograph on facebook.
clearly, this is a problem.
i don't know why i do it, and i don't know how to stop it. but these feelings leave me sad, insecure, and angry. i get mad at myself for letting it happen, for letting another one in when it will never be more than what it is. and  i get mad at the guy, who i expect more from. then i feel guilty, and then jaded and fucked up. it's pretty much a downward spiral.
i can't do it.
i won't do it.
i can't trust him. i can't trust that his words are not just words. i can't trust that he's really into me. and i can't trust when he gives me compliments. i can't trust that he doesn't have ulterior motives. i can't trust that he doesn't just want a piece. i can't even trust that he will ever actually call me again.
i can't trust him.
and what's even worse, is how i can't trust anyone that tries to tell me that i am good enough.
i just do not trust that i am.